So today, after over eight years of work-at-home-mom-dom, I tried something new. I registered my two younger sons for part-time day care. This is a big deal for us, mostly because I’m a control freak, preferring the “mother’s helper” route, which allowed me to work, hover, and kiss boo-boos at home.
Please know that I’m not here to diss moms who use day care; I know moms who use full time day care because they have to, and some because they want to. I know full time, stay-at-home moms, and just about every permutation of in between you can imagine. My philosophy is that whatever works for you and your family must be the right choice for you and your family. The point here is to illustrate how things can evolve over time as both children and businesses grow, marriages and financial situations change, or our own emotional needs shift.
With one child, especially a very young one, it was easy enough to work around his schedule. I wasn’t writing at the time, but I did work from home. As he matured, I was able to bound among nap time, early morning, and nights. Then came another son. And another. And along came a writing career, moving at a part-time pace to accommodate my family’s needs. I also had the benefit of two marvelous “mother’s helpers” and two equally marvelous (and marvelously local) grandmas, with a healthy dose of benign neglect (hello, television!) around deadline times thrown in for good measure. As the boys grew, so did my writing business.
Now my “baby” is three years old, and ready to enroll in preschool. When I learned that he and my 5-year-old would have opposing morning/afternoon half-day schedules, my heart sank. That’s a heckuva lotta juggling among six distinct drop-off and pick-up times (picture that in winter with snow suits, boots, mittens, and hats) and the punitive early school start times in our district. Every time I thought of fall, a sense of dread overcame me.
I started getting to the point where I needed to create more of a divide between work and family. I imagined myself closing my office door at the same time each day so I could enjoy the kids or sit with a cup of hot chai and reminisce about my day, but somehow I was seldom able to make that happen. I began to realize I’d grown so accustomed to shifting gears that I’d stripped them a few miles back and didn’t even realize it.
After a recent, much-needed 10 day break from work–which included a girlfriends’ only (that’s right: kid-free) retreat–I knew more than ever that I needed to carve more distinct spaces for the most important aspects of my life. My kids and husband needed my focus. My career needed my focus. I needed to focus, and I deserved some time to myself, too.
I learned that our school district offered on-site day care for kids in preschool and kindergarten, took a deep breath and called to inquire about rates. Not only could we afford them (about the cost of two front-of-book articles per month), but the hours closely matched my oldest son’s schedule. The (stubborn) “baby” (thankfully) doesn’t need to be potty trained to attend, skilled professionals would be on site to work with my middle son’s sensory integration issues, and I could send them from 3-5 days/week (I went for 3).
So, here we are, on a path that’s a little scary for this control freak, but anyone who’s scrambled down a dirt trail on a mountain bike or stuck their toe over the edge of the high dive knows that scary can be exhilarating. The boys are anxious to choose their lunch boxes and happy that Grandma scored them some way-cool back to school shoes. It’s hotter than a wet oven here during this Midwestern August, but already I can hear the crisp leaves crunching under our feet, the smell of change heavy in the air, and I know it’ll all work out for the best for our family.
–Toni
Feel free to share your own day care experiences and how it’s impacted your work and family lives, for better, for worse, and all things in between.
